When we first embarked on our special needs journey, I spent a lot of time googling autism on the internet. I gave up the things that were just for me because I felt like I wasn’t honouring her if I wasn’t dedicating my spare time to helping understand her. That was my process, but the truth is I really needed that “me” time. When I gave it away, it was a year before I’d carve that time for myself again. I had a really interesting thought over the weekend. Despite everyone knowing self care is important, it’s never been more clear that women are still Made to feel selfish when we treat ourselves. What is the deal!?! Mostly, we sabbotage ourselves.
OK, Self care isn’t all about pedicures and massages… correct. It’s about building a strong mindset that allows you to prioritise your body and mind. I completely agree. HOWEVER! What if it IS kind of about manicures and pedicures? Or more so, it’s about the little moments of indulgence that ground us, whatever that may be. The act of treating yourself to the occasional pedi isn’t really about having pretty feet (while it’s nice!) It’s about how it makes you FEEL. It’s about giving yourself a breather— Its part of the self love process. It’s about saying “I’m doing this for me today” instead of putting it into the “I’ll do that later” or “I feel bad” basket. It’s about feeling good.
As Mums, We always talk ourselves out of the things that make us feel good? Why? Maybe deep down we feel we don’t deserve it or we aren’t worthy? Maybe we feel guilty that if we give to ourselves we aren’t loving our families. It’s a toxic way of thinking. That mental load is oh so heavy and mostly, it’s women carry that load : it’s how we are wired. We think of 100 things all the time & We constantly talk ourselves out of the things we need. “The $30 I spend on a pedicure could but some shoes for our kids or I could be putting this towards Some Groceries for the family…they come first. I’m a bad Mum”. My husband is the best person I know and such an amazing Dad and partner. He will unashamedly make time for himself to work out daily. Thats what he needs and I love that he does that. Why do I talk myself out of what I need? “I’m too busy. There is laundry to do. The floor is dirty.” I could go on and on!
I totally hear your rationalisation because I have the same battle inside my own head all the time. What if, next time you hear that voice, you re-wire your brain to say “I am worthy” Shut that negative voice down starting today.
It’s really important to listen to that voice that tells you that you deserve to do something for you minus the guilt trip. Whatever that may be for you : a 10 Minute meditation, a cup of tea in the sun, a run, a yoga session, whatever!
Allow yourself a little love.
Today, I’m using a voucher I got for Christmas to treat myself to a pedi and a coffee on my own. I’ll have pretty toes but more importantly, I’ll feel good because I did something for me today and my cup will be filled so I can give more to others for the rest of the week.
Do something for YOU today, minus the guilt trip, minus the nasty self talk and minus self judgement.
You are so worthy. You are enough. I want to hear you say it!
Written By : Stephanie Wicks.